I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
