Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My first STD was from a foam party
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
