"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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