i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
