when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
