She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
