i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
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I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
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we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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