my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
