I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
