I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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