Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
