she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
