You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
