scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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