She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we're making bets on your personal life
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
