i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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