I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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