ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize