We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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