You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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