I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
