he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize