I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
