Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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