So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
