i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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