is your mom at the bar?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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