so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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