Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
