i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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