i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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