Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
