I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
