how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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