Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
