I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
