Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
