Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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