No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
