in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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