Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
