What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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