he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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