I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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