Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
