My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
