Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
