Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
soo... how was my night?
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