Tell her she can't have a vagina
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
