i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
