I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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