I'm going to jail i love you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
