dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
