I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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