I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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