he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
