I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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