just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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