i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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