sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
