Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Someone signed my nipple.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
