You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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