no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
