Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Me too!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
