Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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