The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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