i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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