careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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