the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
