Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
