there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
