I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
