Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
