just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
